Relapse

[anogete]

My Coheed graphic novel arrived in the mail today. It was the only thing I'd classify as good this Friday.

I have an overall feeling of uneasiness. Going into the psychology of it would be far to taxing for me and too long for anyone (including me) to read. I've yet to put my finger on why I also feel so worried. I think I believe that as soon as things start going right for me, then karma will certainly throw a wrench in my life and fuck everything up. I live with the nagging fear that as soon as I relax and enjoy things, then everything will go wrong. And then my overactive imagination starts spiraling out of control. I start imagining the consequences of every possible thing that could go wrong. It's only a hop, skip, and a jump from that line of thinking to insanity. I try to take things one at a time, but I feel that if I don't prepare myself for the potential disasters, then I'll jinx myself into them. How childish is that sort of thinking? It's like crossing your fingers before you tell a lie. No basis in logic or reality - just complete superstition. This is what grates at me the most. I like to think of myself as a logical person, though not to the detriment of my enjoyment of art or fantasy. However, this pathetic and constant worry is not based in logic and that does not sit well with me.

Whatever. I'm chasing my tail again. Call me Rover and stick me on America's Funniest Home Videos. I'll be a pug or some sort of terrier and chase my stump of a tail for everyone's amusement.

Back to the Coheed graphic novel. I've read it once and skimmed through it a second time. My thoughts are reasonably gathered, but not fully formed. I'll never venture to give an opinion or set my ideas in stone just yet. I'd like a bit more time to digest it. Although, I will say the rich color schemes are gorgeous. And it was nice to have my suspicions about the album confirmed. I very clearly heard two different voices in the lyrics before I knew fact one about the graphic novel - Claudio's and another character that harbored much more bitterness than him. So, lovely, lovely. I'm in the midst of weaving it into my existing story framework.

Comments

[bleedtoblue.livejournal.com]

You know there's a name for that feeling. It's called generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). Waiting for the other shoe to drop, if I'm too happy something bad will happen. I thought it was just a by product of a wasp-y upbringing by family memebers who'd suffered throught the depression and a couple of world wars....go figure.

Then there's the whole issue of Instant Karma Splashes....getting ahead is difficult.

[anogete.livejournal.com]

I have GAD! I find it a bit endearing because it has a cute little acronymn (sp? - too lazy to look it up). It's better now. Comes and goes.