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About six or seven months ago, I got into contact with a few people I knew in high school. One of them is a girl named Candice. She and I didn't know each other extremely well, but I spent the majority of the last semester of my senior year hanging out with her. At the time, I disliked all of my other "friends" and she was a much preferable alternative, though I had little in common with her. Her lifestyle was just so different than mine, but her company was refreshing. She was one of those girls that slept around with guys who had already graduated or who went to different schools. I don't remember her ever dating someone from our high school. We attended an affluent school in the middle of the most prestigious area in the city. She and I both lived on the outskirts. I lived in the middle of a forest in a lower class neighborhood, and she lived in an apartment downtown with her crazy mother. I don't think she ever felt comfortable dating the jock-types and the rich kids at our school. Hell, I didn't either. I didn't go on one single date in high school, though I did have an opportunity. But that's another story for another day.
Anyway, she was one of those girls from the other side of the tracks. I vividly remember her telling me that she had had sex in the backseat of her car the previous night while we were on our way to lunch one day. I was completely unfamiliar with sex or boys at the age of seventeen, and I was horrified. Sex in the back of her car? Ewww. She knew loads of guys, all of which made me uncomfortable. They didn't want to hang out with me because she told them I wouldn't put out. And what use am I if I don't want to screw their brains out, right? But I liked Candice. She was my opposite. She was outgoing and happy, always excited for the next thing to come in life. I always knew that some of it was a front because her home life was horrible, and she had sex with every guy she knew, which isn't exactly what a balanced person does. But I never suspected the depth of her problems until just recently.
Like I said, I got into contact with her through MySpace. A friend of mine from college forced me into getting an account because that was the only way to contact her. Months after I signed up for the account, I made an effort to search for old high school friends. That was when I found Candice, or rather, she found me. (I was such a wallflower in high school that I was surprised anyone remembered me.) I started reading her blog, and things seemed to be going well for her. She had graduated college with a BS in Biology and had started teaching at a high school in West Virginia. She was dating a guy who was attending medical school. They had an apartment together. Everything seemed to be dippy. Not long after we started talking, she moved to Tennessee and started teaching at a high school there. She would make posts all the time about how much she loved her job and her students. It appeared to be a perfect match for her because of her outgoing personality.
About three weeks ago she made a couple posts in her blog that said she had gotten arrested for DUI and possession of marijuana. The arrest prompted her to resign from her position at the high school before they fired her. Having to do this really bothered her, and a series of posts about her mental state followed. She gave two reasons to not kill herself. One - Someone would have to plan the funeral and take on her debt, and she didn't want to be a bother. Two - Someone would have to identify her body, and that would be embarrassing. Not exactly the best reasons not to kill yourself. Shortly after that she promised not to do anything rash and said that she had hopes of getting her life together and finding another job. Her lawyer had told her she might find a teaching job in another state since the charges weren't specific to Tennessee. This seemed to be a light at the end of the tunnel for her, and prompted her to find a temporary job for the summer. I encouraged her through blog comments to find a job and start putting the pieces back together. I made no mention of the DUI because I blamed her for driving drunk. And at that point in time, I didn't think she needed a lecture from me.
I keep a pared down version of this blog on my account there, so she started to read it after seeing my comments. She sent me a private message at the end of last week, telling me that she wished she had her life together like mine. She claimed to have gone through and read all of my entries, wishing she was more like me. I told her that she was being ridiculous and that everyone had problems in their lives, me included. She's been taking some medication for depression, so I encouraged her to continue that and avoid alcohol and pot at least until she felt a bit more balanced and stable. My advice was part of a lengthy message telling her that she was one of two people I still considered a friend when I graduated high school. I told her that I thought her ability to turn on the charm and the outgoing nature of her personality were gifts - something that I could never do myself. I encouraged her to be positive and be thankful for what she has and the position she's in. All the self-helpy sort of stuff, you know.
She responded back and lamented over her current mental state, telling me that she didn't understand why everyone considered her to be so happy when she really cries everyday. The subject of the original DUI came up, and I explained to her why I hadn't offered comfort when it first happened. Basically, I told her that I was not sorry she had gotten caught, but I was sorry that she chose to drink and drive. She seems to be stuck on using alcohol and pot to help balance out her mental state and clear her head. I think those things will only make her situation worse right now, and I told her as much.
I haven't heard back from her since I sent that message. It was only a couple days ago, and she may not have had a chance to respond. I'm just worried that I overstepped my bounds with her and said something that may have had a negative effect on her at this delicate point in her life. I really do think she's an interesting, unique, and amazing person. She and I share some things in common, one of them being the inability to keep friends. She's actually desperate for friends and latched onto me as soon as we got back into contact with one another. She has the idealized image of a large group of friends that she can hang out with each night and have dinner with once a week. It depresses her that she doesn't have that and doesn't think she ever will. She made a post about it before the last message I sent her, telling everyone who reads her blog that she knew she still had some friends. She included me in a list of about three people. Now I'm feeling guilty and think I may have been a little to harsh when I sent her the message about my feelings on the DUI charge and her daily pot smoking.
I'm rambling, and this post is all jumbled up. I just wanted to get this out and see if anyone had any suggestions on what I can do to help her. I'll shut up now.
Oh, and in continuation of this post on my drunken boss... His wife called and said he had agreed to check into the Betty Ford Clinic. They don't know when he'll be going, though. This makes me think he's just agreed to go to appease his wife, but when the time comes, he'll back out and say he doesn't feel like it. If they don't fly him out and get him checked in by the end of the week, he'll never go. I suspect he'll die in his sleep of a heart attack one day before he actually checks into rehab.
Anyway, she was one of those girls from the other side of the tracks. I vividly remember her telling me that she had had sex in the backseat of her car the previous night while we were on our way to lunch one day. I was completely unfamiliar with sex or boys at the age of seventeen, and I was horrified. Sex in the back of her car? Ewww. She knew loads of guys, all of which made me uncomfortable. They didn't want to hang out with me because she told them I wouldn't put out. And what use am I if I don't want to screw their brains out, right? But I liked Candice. She was my opposite. She was outgoing and happy, always excited for the next thing to come in life. I always knew that some of it was a front because her home life was horrible, and she had sex with every guy she knew, which isn't exactly what a balanced person does. But I never suspected the depth of her problems until just recently.
Like I said, I got into contact with her through MySpace. A friend of mine from college forced me into getting an account because that was the only way to contact her. Months after I signed up for the account, I made an effort to search for old high school friends. That was when I found Candice, or rather, she found me. (I was such a wallflower in high school that I was surprised anyone remembered me.) I started reading her blog, and things seemed to be going well for her. She had graduated college with a BS in Biology and had started teaching at a high school in West Virginia. She was dating a guy who was attending medical school. They had an apartment together. Everything seemed to be dippy. Not long after we started talking, she moved to Tennessee and started teaching at a high school there. She would make posts all the time about how much she loved her job and her students. It appeared to be a perfect match for her because of her outgoing personality.
About three weeks ago she made a couple posts in her blog that said she had gotten arrested for DUI and possession of marijuana. The arrest prompted her to resign from her position at the high school before they fired her. Having to do this really bothered her, and a series of posts about her mental state followed. She gave two reasons to not kill herself. One - Someone would have to plan the funeral and take on her debt, and she didn't want to be a bother. Two - Someone would have to identify her body, and that would be embarrassing. Not exactly the best reasons not to kill yourself. Shortly after that she promised not to do anything rash and said that she had hopes of getting her life together and finding another job. Her lawyer had told her she might find a teaching job in another state since the charges weren't specific to Tennessee. This seemed to be a light at the end of the tunnel for her, and prompted her to find a temporary job for the summer. I encouraged her through blog comments to find a job and start putting the pieces back together. I made no mention of the DUI because I blamed her for driving drunk. And at that point in time, I didn't think she needed a lecture from me.
I keep a pared down version of this blog on my account there, so she started to read it after seeing my comments. She sent me a private message at the end of last week, telling me that she wished she had her life together like mine. She claimed to have gone through and read all of my entries, wishing she was more like me. I told her that she was being ridiculous and that everyone had problems in their lives, me included. She's been taking some medication for depression, so I encouraged her to continue that and avoid alcohol and pot at least until she felt a bit more balanced and stable. My advice was part of a lengthy message telling her that she was one of two people I still considered a friend when I graduated high school. I told her that I thought her ability to turn on the charm and the outgoing nature of her personality were gifts - something that I could never do myself. I encouraged her to be positive and be thankful for what she has and the position she's in. All the self-helpy sort of stuff, you know.
She responded back and lamented over her current mental state, telling me that she didn't understand why everyone considered her to be so happy when she really cries everyday. The subject of the original DUI came up, and I explained to her why I hadn't offered comfort when it first happened. Basically, I told her that I was not sorry she had gotten caught, but I was sorry that she chose to drink and drive. She seems to be stuck on using alcohol and pot to help balance out her mental state and clear her head. I think those things will only make her situation worse right now, and I told her as much.
I haven't heard back from her since I sent that message. It was only a couple days ago, and she may not have had a chance to respond. I'm just worried that I overstepped my bounds with her and said something that may have had a negative effect on her at this delicate point in her life. I really do think she's an interesting, unique, and amazing person. She and I share some things in common, one of them being the inability to keep friends. She's actually desperate for friends and latched onto me as soon as we got back into contact with one another. She has the idealized image of a large group of friends that she can hang out with each night and have dinner with once a week. It depresses her that she doesn't have that and doesn't think she ever will. She made a post about it before the last message I sent her, telling everyone who reads her blog that she knew she still had some friends. She included me in a list of about three people. Now I'm feeling guilty and think I may have been a little to harsh when I sent her the message about my feelings on the DUI charge and her daily pot smoking.
I'm rambling, and this post is all jumbled up. I just wanted to get this out and see if anyone had any suggestions on what I can do to help her. I'll shut up now.
Oh, and in continuation of this post on my drunken boss... His wife called and said he had agreed to check into the Betty Ford Clinic. They don't know when he'll be going, though. This makes me think he's just agreed to go to appease his wife, but when the time comes, he'll back out and say he doesn't feel like it. If they don't fly him out and get him checked in by the end of the week, he'll never go. I suspect he'll die in his sleep of a heart attack one day before he actually checks into rehab.
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