Lyrics So Bad They're Good

[anogete]

Before Payroll Girl left for her long weekend, we had an office lyric reading with the receptionist. When one of us hears an especially funny song on the radio, we do office readings in which one of us is given the task of reciting the lyrics like poetry. I nearly pass out from laughing so hard every time we do this. The latest reading was of Usher/Ludacris/Lil' Jon's song "Lovers and Friends". I've bolded the parts that killed us.

Baby, how ya doin'?
Hope that 'cha fine, wanna know what you got in mind tonight,
Got me feenin' like Jodeci, girl, I can't leave you alone,
Take a shot of this here Patron' and it's gon' be on,
V.I.P. done got way too crowded,
I'm about to end up callin' it a night,
You should holla at 'cha girl, tell her you shakin' the scene,
Pull off, beep-beep, shotgun in a GT with me
She said, "Ohhh-ohhh, I'm ready to ride, yeah,"
"'Cause once you get inside, you can't change your mind,"
"Don't mean to sound impatient, but you gotta promise, baby, ohh..."

Tell me again (Tell me again, my baby),
That we'll be Lovers and Friends (Ohh, I gotta know, baby, aw yeah)
Tell me again (Make sho' your right, ohh, before we leave),

Look here!!!
Sometime I wanna be your lover,
Sometime I wanna be your friend,
Sometime I wanna hug ya,
Hold hands, slow-dance while the record spins,
Opened up your heart 'cause you said I made you feel so comfortable,
Used to play back then, now you all grown-up like Rudy Huxtable,
I could be your bud, you could beat me up,
Play-fight in the dark, then we both make love,
I'd do anything just to feel your butt,
Why you got me so messed up?
I don't know, but you gotta stop trippin',
Be a good girl now, turn around, and get these whippings,
You know you like it like that,
You don't have to fight back,
Here's a pillow - bite...that,
And I'll be settin' seperate plays,
So on all these separate days,
Your legs can go they separate...ways...

Tell me again (Tell me again, my baby),
That we'll be Lovers and Friends (Ohh, it's a good look, baby)
Tell me again (Tell me over-and-over-and-over again),
That we'll be Lovers and Friends (Make sho' you right, before you choose)...

I's been know you fo' a long time (shorty'),
But fuckin' never crossed my mind (shorty'),
But tonight, I seen sumthin' in ya (shorty),
That made me wanna get wit 'cha (shorta'),
but You ain't been nuttin' but a friend to me (shorty'),
And a nigga never ever dreamed to be (shorty'),
Up in here, kissin', huggin', squeezin', touchin' (shorty'),
Up in the bathtub, rub-a-dubbin' (shorty'),
Are you sure you wanna go this route? (shorty'),
Let a nigga know before I pull it out (shorty'),
I would never ever cross the line (shorty'),
Shorta'let me hear you tell me one mo' time...one mo' time...

Tell me again (Tell me again, my baby),
That we'll be Lovers and Friends (Ohh, it's a good look, baby)
Tell me again (Make sho' you right, ohh, before we leave),
That we'll be Lovers and Friends (Tell me over-and-over-and-over again)...

The second and third verse are classic. So romantic. I'm all choked up now. I know I've always wanted someone to offer me a pillow to bite during sex. I can't believe people can actually listen to this without laughing. Was it intended to be so funny or is it just me?

If you'd like to hear this gem, then you can do so here on YouTube. Just remember not to drink anything while listening. I nearly shot water out my nose.